Thats how much money Ive got. I go back up to the room and shes passed out, in this negligee, and shes fucking gorgeous. Drunk driving. I can I got to get this right for the special. It happened ten years before, but I still had his office number in my phone, and my wife said I was a dick for doing this, but as soon as I found out he died, I called his office, I said, Id like to speak to John Mayhew, please. The lady goes, Im very sorry to tell you, but Mr. Mayhew passed away. I said, Okay, and I called her right back and said, Id like to speak to John Mayhew, please. She goes, I just told you, Mr. Mayhew passed away. I said, I know, I just like hearing you say it. My wifes like, Youre a dick. I said, Bullshit. Bienvenidos a un nuevo episodio de Estrenos en Netflix!Hoy vamos a hablar de un especial de comedia de Ron White que se llama "If you quit listening, i'll sh. And before the thing started, I had my tour bus up there, Jeff and I are sitting on my tour bus and this Golden Corral commercial comes on television, which is where Jeff works now. Do Not Sell or Share My Personal Information. Now Ive never walked in the doors of this place, and I dont know exactly what theyre up to, but apparently some people are really unhappy with the color of the old bunghole. Ron "Tater Salad" White dishes out his signature brand of cynicism, riffing on sex, celebrity and the sinister habits of wild geese. All rights reserved. This happened last Wednesday at The Comedy Store in LA. White I was always going to tell you if I ever met you that when my father was alive, you were his favorite comedian by far. I said, Thank you very much for telling me that, man. Yo, bitch, what the fuck you going to do about it? Lock those beady eyes on you. Based in NYC but will travel anywhere for the scoop: Ice cream or news. [Ron White] You ever take a crap so big your pants fit better? It was a demo when I bought it, had 350 yards already on it, but I put the other 400 yards on it myself. Starring: Ron White Watch all you want. For Whites part, he revisits a story he once told on SiriusXM a few years ago during the Just For Laughs Comedy Festival, which is about the week he opened for another comedian at the Punchline in Sacramento. And you cant un-fuck the housekeeper. Fuck that. Now, I dont know whats wrong with your vagina that makes you think it needs to be rejuvenated. *****************************************************************************Donate belowYour contributions help support the channel!https://www.paypal.com/donate/?token=376E-66mSO9HVNOKHNfR6XaKkMJJ11H_3hh8b15mFOUQcpHHDeBUDuuMYQwlvkjM9gARI0\u0026country.x=CA\u0026locale.x=******************************************************************************Needing Assistance to Create/Host your Website, check out blue host below:https://www.bluehost.com/track/phlavaFind the Perfect freelance services for your business eg) logo design and branding, dropshipping, illustrations, clothing design, business cards, t-shirt designhttps://track.fiverr.com/visit/?bta=206481\u0026brand=fiverrcpaFor Fiverr Logo Design:https://track.fiverr.com/visit/?bta=206481\u0026brand=fiverrhybrid\u0026landingPage=https%3A%2F%2Fdiscover.fiverr.com%2Flogo-design-7%2FFor Fiverr Social Media Design:https://track.fiverr.com/visit/?bta=206481\u0026brand=fiverrhybrid\u0026landingPage=https%3A%2F%2Fdiscover.fiverr.com%2Fsocial-media-grid-design-2%2FFor Fiverr Animated intro Video:https://track.fiverr.com/visit/?bta=206481\u0026brand=fiverrhybrid\u0026landingPage=https%3A%2F%2Fdiscover.fiverr.com%2F%3Fs%3DAnimated%2BIntro%2Bvideo And nobody wants our shit anymore. Get some Brylcreem and some dippity-do and a hair dryer. No, you fucking didnt. They also say friends dont let friends drive drunk. '", Ana Navarro Jokes About Sara Haines' White House Correspondents' Dinner Antics on 'The View': "Maybe There Will Be a Restraining Order", Sunny Hostin Opens Up About Receiving Hurtful Emails on The View: Im Not Liked By Half The Country, Sunny Hostin Shades Meghan McCain for Scathing Column About 'The View': "Our Show Is a Wonderful Place". JOIN NOW Videos Ron White: If You Quit Listening, I'll Shut Up Theyre gonna know Im a fucking bed-wetter. Im like, Oh! I always let him think he wet the fucking bed. So unhappy, theyre willing to bleach it until it becomes a more desirable color. Itll be fun. Im like, All right, lets go. And it was unbelievable, huge, all the big dildo companies were there, uh. She goes, Listen, Ron. It was juvenated, it became un-juvenated, it needs to be rejuvenated. Shes gonna overinflate him. Sign in to rate and Watchlist for personalized recommendations. What?. Fuck it. Im all over it, dude. [mooing] We have a chocolate waterfall and a cotton candy machine. And every year SiriusXM does a live broadcast from there. , and to receive email from Rotten Tomatoes. and the Ron White: If You Quit Listening, I'll Shut Up Powered by Reelgood Since the Blue Collar Comedy Tour first started in 2000, Texas native Ron White has always stood apart from. Golden Corral? I was leaving a party the other night, and this buddy of mine goes, Hey, Ron, can you drive? I was like, I can drive I cant get pulled over.. Coming Soon. Just confirm how you got your ticket. Three weeks ago, my wife and I went to New York City, and we went to a gay wedding, and it was a man marrying a woman, [laughing] but it was the gayest fucking thing Ive ever seen. Im going to do it, cause Im surprised they know it, but I support the Montreal Comedy Festival, and if you ever have a chance to go to Montreal in the summer to go to the festival, its the coolest fucking thing there is. Ron White: If You Quit Listening, I'll Shut Up 2018| Maturity Rating:TV-MA | 1h 3m| Comedies Ron "Tater Salad" White dishes out his signature brand of cynicism, riffing on sex, celebrity and the sinister habits of wild geese. Whats he doing? Fuck Rudders, uh Bone Depot, Shaft Crafters. Two years ago, White co-starred in Cameron Crowes one-and-done season of Roadies for Showtime. Its almost like theres a clown there. 40 years old, never been married, which makes you a little suspicious. Now, when I have seven eighths of a gram of marijuana, I consider myself to be out of marijuana. And traditionally during the week, these three comics would go to the mall and those two comics would watch that comic spend money. Oh, you can see it in their eyehole. Here's When It Returns With New Episodes, Drew Barrymore Halts Segment After "Severely Old" Mac and Cheese Noodle Flies off Her Desk: "It's Rock Hard". So I dont have go out and party money. He likes them big big. These two comics dont have any money. Recorded at The Paramount Theater in Denver, CO, stand-up comedienne Kathleen Madigan explores topics including aging parents, interactions with millennials, and hunting bigfoot. No. Well, that same year my dear friend Bill Engvall, the dancer People ask me all the time, Do you think youll ever do Dancing With The Stars? Im like, Not unless something goes horribly fucking wrong., Well, that year, Bill was touring with Reba McEntire. Cinemark No, this has to fucking happen. Cause were looking for a gag gift, and if that doesnt gag her, I dont know what were going to use, cause its gotta be something big, you tell me. Its still the number one-selling comedy album of all time, and, uh Jeff had been my friend for ten years, and suddenly, kaboom, hes the biggest comedian in the world. RT25: Celebrating 25 years of Rotten Tomatoes. I dont know what Im supposed to tell my fucking relatives. In the wake of her prom scandal, Princess Margrethe longs for normalcy as she struggles to maintain her perfect facade while dealing with family drama. [squawk] Bites me on the fucking leg. ", Stream It Or Skip It: 'Moonage Daydream' on HBO Max, a David Bowie Biography That's More Sensual Experience than Documentary, Personality Crisis: One Night Only Finds Punk Pioneer David Johansen Recounting His Many Lives, Stream It Or Skip It: 'The Legacy of J Dilla' on FX/Hulu, Exploring The Life, Beats, And Career Of The Late Hip-Hop Hero, Stream It Or Skip It: Little Richard: I Am Everything on VOD, A Biodoc As Vibrant As Its Subject, The Peter Pan & Wendy Sea Shanty Is An Ear Worm That Will Haunt Your Dreams, Stream It Or Skip It: 'Peter Pan and Wendy' on Disney+, Director David Lowery's Lightly Visionary Disney Rehash, Where Was Peter Pan and Wendy Filmed? This is how the conversation ended. Kathleen Madigan: Hunting Bigfoot (2023) | Transcript, Marc Maron: From Bleak to Dark (2023) | Transcript, Bert Kreischer: Razzle Dazzle (2023) | Transcript. Now the reason I know this term is, I have lesbian friends too. I ran, um I ran for president of the United States, and I dont think I won, because nobodys called and I quit watching television. I got attacked by a goose when I was a kid. And I know some guys that have had one homosexual experience or two or 10,000, doesnt make a fuck bit of difference to me. And I was about 12 years old and I had gone three months without wetting the bed. Bring it into the shop. And these guys are laughing and dancing and drinking, and theyre having a fucking blast. That aint drunk at all. Theyre not natural. Link to Are You There God? And not the fuzzy sweater, lovable slurring kind of drunk uncle, either. In a dystopian future devastated by air pollution, the survival of humanity depends on the Black Knights and theyre far from your average deliverymen. These places are packed to the fucking rafters at 2:30 in the afternoon, seven days a week. I was in Melbourne, Florida, one time and I was driving a rental car, and I was by myself, and Id had two drinks. I just told her the other day. Or if theres some paint chips and a tray of Smile Bright. Rejuvenate your vagina. Follow officers from a South Carolina sheriffs department as they urgently search for individuals who've disappeared under troubling circumstances. Nobody wants to talk about it but me. Ill give you a second to get your arms around that. Ron "Tater Salad" White dishes out his signature brand of cynicism, riffing on sex, celebrity and the sinister habits of wild geese. Baby goose pussy lips makes wagyu beef [laughing] Okay. It seemed like they would give you a sack or something. Ladies, if you dont like the way the cooch is looking, before you go do something that extreme, try this. [laughing] Seems like Id have something else to say after that. Streaming October 16 on Netflix. She bought me a bicycle, thinking I might ride it. And the guy that played Tarzan was a really, really handsome fella, and he was really a good-looking guy, but I was watching it, thinking, You know, if that guy from Thor, Chris Hemsworth, was in this, this would really be a better movie, cause Id just rather look at Chris Hemsworth without his shirt on. What the fuck did you just think? If you can beat me at darts, you can take me to fucking jail, how about that? Ron "Tater Salad" White dishes out his signature brand of cynicism, riffing on sex, celebrity and the sinister habits of wild geese. 'Succession' Season 4 Episode 6 Recap: "Living+", 'Succession': Tom and Shiv's "Bitey" Game is the Horniest, Most Effed Up Thing Theyve Done Yet. Why? And not because if somebody was breaking into our house, they would make a bunch of noise and scare those people away, because you couldnt possibly wake them up. This goose comes out of this pond like a fucking killing machine. I thought about being gay one time, and I changed my mind when it came my turn. Even when he forgets a line he's funny, he's never panicking, on the contrary he'll make it even funnier. Coming Soon, Regal Required fields are marked *. Thats all you need. In the summer, I keep a bowl of limes right next to the salt shaker, and Ill just get a lime, squirt a little lime juice in there, little bit of salt, hunker down, do some pussy shots. Queen Charlotte: A Bridgerton Story: Season 1, Link to Marvel Movies Ranked Worst to Best by Tomatometer, Link to Asian-American Pacific Islander Heritage, Link to RT25: Celebrating 25 Years of Rotten Tomatoes. My cousin Ray, who Ive talked about on stage before, hes a real guy, he only eats at the Golden Corral because my cousin Ray only dates huge women. For all New peeps to my channel, plz like and Subscribe and hit that Notification bell for Future Videos.Weekly. Go behind the scenes of Netflix TV shows and movies, see what's coming soon and watch bonus videos on, Ron White: If You Quit Listening, I'll Shut Up (Teaser), Ron White: If You Quit Listening, I'll Shut Up (Trailer). Im like, Youre wasting our money on this stuff? But I got used to it after a while. Sorry. This is also his first stand-up special since his 2011's 'A Little Unprofessional'. I started this tour a while back in Las Vegas, and while I was there, I was walking down the Strip, my wife and I, and theyre having a sex toy convention, which is one of their five biggest conventions of the year. Just laying there dead, cause it died somewhere? I can put my car in drive and roll over your ass. A goose is the only animal on the planet could take a jetliner out of the fucking sky and make it land on the Hudson River. lindsey? But it turns out, theyre great watchdogs. My doctor the other day said, Ron, you cannot gain any more weight, and I said, Thats what I thought. My wifes on my ass about me taking better care of myself. And then the whole experience just started to creep me the fuck out. 'Fatal Attraction' Episode 2 Recap: The Beginning & End of the Affair, Stream It Or Skip It: 'A Small Light' On Nat Geo, Hulu And Disney+, About The Woman Who Helped Anne Frank And Her Family Hide From The Nazis, 'Fatal Attraction' Episode 1 Recap: Business with Pleasure, Stream It Or Skip It: There There on Hulu, A Talky Compendium of Short Scenes with a Clever Visual Trick, PSA to David Bowie Fans, 'Moonage Daydream' Is Now Streaming on HBO, Joy Behar and Stanley Tucci Bond Over Italian Stereotypes on 'The View': "Innately Evil", Stream It Or Skip It: 'Secrets of the Elephants' on Disney+, a Typically Gorgeous and Informative Documentary Series, James Brolin Spooked by Son Josh's Nude Photo on 'The View': "Oh My God! Where is Ron White: If You Quit Listening, I'll Shut Up streaming? Theres an opening act, that makes between 100 and 200 a week for nine shows, the feature act which is what I was makes between 400 and 500 bucks for nine shows, and a headliner who can make absolutely anything depending upon who they are.. Id have peed on both of them, but one of them was too fucking high and I was like, Id piss on the wall trying to piss on that guy. Im not busting on women from the Middle East. And it turns out, theyve been snipping the pussy lips off of baby ducks in Saudi Arabia for 1,500 years and just throwing them in a river, and the cook from the Four Seasons went there and saw this amazing waste of baby duck pussy lips, and just started thinking, you know, Fuck Tacos! PETA hates it. And if youre looking for a bicycle, its a great deal. But oddly enough, I do have a suggestion for this. 6:01, gets there. In a dystopian future devastated by air pollution, the survival of humanity depends on the Black Knights and theyre far from your average deliverymen. Squirrels. Or didnt use to, anyhow. Im fucking over it. So I decided to spend the night at Joe Paines house, who had been my friend since I was six years old. He goes, Well, I need you to blow into this breathalyzer, and I said, Well, heres the bad news, Hoss. So we walk up to Knob Cobblers, or whatever the fuck the name of it was. [cheering] So I decide, Well, Ill just do it myself, so I rummage around in the dark, find some lotion, cut to the next morning. Somebody was peeing on me! One eyehole. Videos Ron White: If You Quit Listening, I'll Shut Up But I know if I wake her up trying to have sex with her, shell hit me in the face with a bucket of nickels I just spotted on the nightstand. A broom handle, a pool cue, a fucking plunger. Gag, woman, gag. Thank you from the bottom of my heart for that. I gotta go. Im coming back twice a day every fucking day. Cinemark Radical terrorist Canadian geese! Im in my car, all intimidated. We keep hearing more comedians tell stories about the comedy business. Put down that ketchup and drop that toddler. #Comics #Comedy #Jokes #Reaction #RonWhite #HappyNewYear #2021Copyright Disclaimer under section 107 of the Copyright Act of 1976, allowance is made for fair use for purposes such as criticism, comment, news reporting, teaching, scholarship, education and research.Fair use is a use permitted by copyright statute that might otherwise be infringing.

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