a million ways to die in the west mustache quotes

Inspiration for the Work: The film originated as an inside joke between Seth MacFarlane and co-writers Alec Sulkin and Wesley Wild while they were watching Hang 'Em High. Toronto Star articles, please go to: www.TorontoStarReprints.com, Conversations are opinions of our readers and are subject to the, The Toronto Star and thestar.com, each property of Toronto Star But when her husband, a notorious outlaw, arrives seeking revenge, the farmer must put . When a mysterious and beautiful woman rides into town, she helps him find his courage and they begin to fall in love. Albert is befriended by Anna, along with her "brother" Lewis who are new to Old Stump, and she who is self-admittedly "smokin' hot". Louise: [flustered] They're not that big. Well, did he at least hear all the smart things I said? The film received mixed reviews from critics, with criticism directed toward the film's length and MacFarlane's performance. Apple Inc. As a very loose rendition of historical fiction, it requires an ability to enjoy the suspension of belief in order to appreciate the humor, as well as an ability to look past the few offensive remarks to that are both poignant stabs at the time period as well as timely interpretations of . The American West, 1880s. No better way to make your ex-girlfriend want you back more than to let her see you with another girl. Given his knack for singing the guy truly is multi-talented MacFarlane might have done better with following the musical comedy example of Paint Your Wagon rather than the slapstick of Mel Brooks for his western swing. MacFARLANE: It always depends on the gag, more than the person. Albert: [Before drinking from the bowl with the indian tribe] "Mila Kunis" - subtitled as "Fine". The 50 greatest TV and movie detectives of all time. Although she states otherwise, the shoot-out is arguably the last straw for Louise, Albert's vain girlfriend, who breaks up with him. Albert: Okay, all right, get ready. 1 May 2023. His running gag about how people never smile in old-fashioned photographs might have seemed hilarious on paper but it certainly isnt on the screen. MacFarlane also relied on veteran singer and two-time Grammy nominee Amick Byram to do the vocals. A Million Waysto Die in the West is a gross-out Gunsmoke, with MacFarlane directing an old-timey facsimile of his modern self in the lead role of Albert, a cowardly sheep herder in the Arizona of 1882. "A Million Ways to Die in the West" lacks the inspired lunacy of Mel Brooks' timeless Western, and won't last the ages as a seminal swipe at the genre, but at least MacFarlane gives the . There may indeed be A Million Ways to Die in the West, as the title of Seth MacFarlanes parody western asserts. Set in 1882 in the American west, Albert is a lowly farmer with a nice girlfriend. Foy: My dear, they're practically Chinese! Her "it's not you, it's me" reason rings false as she quickly starts up with mustachioed Foy, the wealthy owner of a mustache grooming products store, he who Albert knows he cannot compete in not being wealthy enough to be able to grow a groomed mustache. Well, it was still good though. She neglects to tell him that shes married to the outlaw Clinch Leatherwood (Liam Neeson), an infamous and jealous gunslinger who regularly contributes to that million-ways body count. 1, Independence Day: Resurgence (Original Motion Picture Soundtrack), Hail, Caesar! Listen to A Million Ways To Die In the West (Original Motion Picture Soundtrack) by Joel McNeely on Apple Music. When she sees me, she'll be intimidated as f***. Albert: "The American west is a terrible place and time. . But I got great tits. Old Stump Bluegrass. For a few chuckles more. You can't blame Seth MacFarlane, that one-man comedy . A Million Ways to Die in the West. 17+. Narrator: Some people are born into the wrong time and place. There's, uh, famine, disease, gunfights. That's a dollar bill!". . On the Granger Movie Gauge of 1 to 10, "A Million Ways to Die in the West" is a moronic 2. These are full loads. At a recent press conference held in Los . Albert: I'm not the hero. Copyright Fandango. Vulgar, crude, self-referential, and irreverent, A Million Ways to Die in the West is a typical Seth MacFarlane comedy. If You've Only Got a Moustache. Opens Friday at major theatres 14A. 1:31. rights reserved. And, uh, wild animals. It found more than 1,100 deaths a year from climate change-caused heat in . All you need is a little bit of the venom introduced into your bloodstream and you're pretty much screwed. A Million Ways to Die in the West: Trailer 1, A Million Ways to Die in the West: Official Clip - Ways to Die, A Million Ways to Die in the West: Official Clip - Eddie's Girl, A Million Ways to Die in the West: Official Clip - Things Could Be a Lot Worse, A Million Ways to Die in the West: Official Clip - Eddie's First Time. to colleagues, clients or customers, or inquire about What is the Japanese language plot outline for A Million Ways to Die in the West (2014)? What Shows Have Been Renewed or Canceled. A Million Ways to Die in the West: Official Clip - Sh**ty Showdown, A Million Ways to Die in the West: Official Clip - If You've Only Got a Moustache, A Million Ways to Die in the West: Official Clip - You Really Do Have a Death Wish. With Seth MacFarlane, Charlize Theron, Amanda Seyfried, Liam Neeson. And just a small amount of venom in an open wound is enough to kill a man if he's Albert: Did he hear all that smart stuff I did? May 29, 2014. It stunts their attention span. Support. As a cowardly farmer begins to fall for the mysterious new woman in town, he must put his newly found courage to the test when her husband, a notorious gun-slinger, announces his arrival. Starring Seth MacFarlane, Charlize Theron, Liam Neeson, Neil Patrick Harris, Amanda Seyfried, Sarah Silverman and Giovanni Ribisi. Listen to A Million Ways To Die In the West (Original Motion Picture Soundtrack) [Deluxe Edition] by Joel McNeely on Apple Music. Ruth: Oh yeah, it's this, its like from here to here. Our old schoolmarm got her throat slit by a fast moving tumbleweed. I went to your farm the other day, and I saw one in the back yard, three way up on the ridge, two in the pond and one on the roof. "Don't go snackin' if you been tobaccin'.". In Seth MacFarlane's A Million Ways to Die in the West, Neil Patrick Harris takes center stage for one of the film's best sequences the highly choreographed and riotously funny "Mustache . 'A Million Ways to Die in the West': Inside the 'Mustache Song'. For example, if you drain a certain amount of venom from the fangs of a diamondback rattler into a hollow-tip bullet, you really only need one shot. Anna: I'm a little cocky. Then Stark must put his newfound bravery to the test when Anna's outlaw husband arrives with plans to plant him in an unmarked grave. Millie: You're okay with your girlfriend screwing, like, 15 different guys every day and getting paid to do it? The film was number three at the box office during its opening weekend and grossed over $87 million worldwide against a budget of $40 million. She is now with a dapper, successful, extroverted store owner, Foy, a fact Foy keeps reminding him of. A Million Ways to Die in the West. Albert: Yeah, I saw that. Albert: No, no, no, no! R. 1h 56m. If MacFarlane had spent as much time crafting jokes as he did writing the lyrics for the amusing title tune (sung by country ace Alan Jackson) and the catchy mid-film number The Mustache Song, A Million Ways to Die in the West would have been a much better movie. Ted became one of the highest-grossing comedies ever made, he pretty much had the freedom to do whatever he wanted for his second movie. Watch A Million Ways To Die In The West: Anna Tries To Teach Albert How To Shoot, Watch A Million Ways To Die In The West: Foy Mocks Albert On Their Way To The Shooting Gallery, Watch A Million Ways To Die In The West: Anna Meets Albert At The Dance. Casting was done between December 2012 and March 2013. Edward: Yeah. Get the freshest reviews, news, and more delivered right to your inbox! Its justits a song about sperm, and yet they treat it with such legitimacy in their orchestration and their vocal performance and their choreography, and its this huge number with what looks to be over 100 dancers on screen. expressly prohibited without the prior written consent of Toronto By continuing, you agree to the Privacy Policy and Maybe its his way of paying her back for mentioning her in his tasteless We Saw Your Boobs song at the Oscars. Republication or distribution of this content is As a fan of Seth MacFarlane's series Family Guy and his feature film debut Ted, it's a shame to report that if you've seen the trailers for his new western comedy A . September 9, 2014 A Million Ways to Die in the West: Directed by Seth MacFarlane. The joke evolved into "riffing on the idea of how dull, depressing, and dangerous it must have been to live in the Wild West." Missing Trailer Scene: The bit with the doctor . Albert: and all I had to do was distract you while the poison entered your bloodstream. One father scolded his young son, "Take your hat off! Anna: I mean we're basically splitting this country 50/50 with them. All A Million Ways to Die in the West Videos A Million Ways to Die in the West: Trailer 1 2:30 Added: January 19, 2017 A Million Ways to Die in the West: Official Clip - Ways to Die 2:24 Added . As a very loose rendition of historical fiction, it requires an ability to enjoy the suspension of belief in order to appreciate the humor, as well as an ability to look past the few offensive remarks to that are both poignant stabs at the time period as well as timely interpretations of . Albert: [At target practice] I fired a gun at the shooting gallery. But theres just one path to his infantile humour. It's 1882 in Arizona, the heartland of the American West. Tap "Sign me up" below to receive our weekly newsletter Cochise: There is an ancient proverb among my people: Sometimes the only way for a man to find true happiness is to take drugs in a group. It's got to be bad for their brains, right? Then the mysterious Anna rides into town and captures Albert's interest and heart, but with her deadly . Gunman at Fair in Final Scene: [after shooting someone] people die at the fair. Listen to "A Million Ways to Die" below and let us know what you think. But, just how many ways to die are there in the west? Unexpectedly, Anna and Albert have a genuine connection--and as our unassuming hero learns the fundamentals of survival in the inhospitable wild west--an ironic, yet grave challenge against an unforeseen and mighty adversary demands that he puts to the test his newly found abilities. Comedy, Romance, Western. Albert: Yeah. Albert is attracted to her, initially, by her beauty, but realizes she's the courage and confidence he has always hungered for. Hell, this was Miss America in 1880 [picture of a leathery middle-aged woman] . We Should All Just Wear Coffins As Clothes, Tinker Bell and the Legend of the NeverBeast, Psycho (The Complete Original Motion Picture Score), A Million Ways To Die In the West (Original Motion Picture Soundtrack), Bernard Herrmann: The Twilight Zone Conducted By Joel McNeely (Music From Television Series), Star Wars: Shadows of the Empire (Original Soundtrack), X-Men: Days of Future Past - Rogue Cut (Original Motion Picture Soundtrack) [Extended Version], The Imitation Game (Original Motion Picture Soundtrack), 007: Casino Royale (Original Motion Picture Soundtrack) [Deluxe Version]. If you can get a song in there, its just a nice Hollywood tradition.. Louise: You're not even a good sheep farmer, Albert. Making a splash: A deep dive into the live-action Little Mermaid with a new generation's Ariel. The film features an ensemble cast including MacFarlane, Charlize Theron, Amanda Seyfried, Neil Patrick Harris, Giovanni Ribisi, Sarah Silverman and Liam Neeson. She has a problem with retardation, but she's full of love. Internet Service Terms Old Stump Bluegrass . 1882. Now, I knew my aim wasn't good enough to hit you anywhere important. 27 May 2014 All rights reserved. Her "it's not you, it's me" reason rings false as she quickly starts up with mustachioed Foy, the wealthy owner of a mustache grooming products store, he who Albert knows he cannot compete in not being wealthy enough to be able to grow a groomed mustache. A Million Ways to Die in the West is not for everyone. See production, box office & company info. The American West, 1880s. Star Newspapers Limited and/or its licensors. This copy is for your personal non-commercial use only. If you do not yet have a Torstar account, you can create one now (it is free), Copyright owned or licensed by Toronto Star Newspapers Limited. Anna and Albert. Copyright 2023 Meredith Corporation. Everything out here that's not you wants to kill you, angry drunk people, hungry animals, outlaws, the doctor." Albert gives a breakdown of just a few of the million ways to die in the West. When the rivalry leads to a duel, he gets help from an unexpected, beautiful source. Then the mysterious Anna rides into town and captures Albert's interest and heart, but with her deadly husband in town, Albert is going to have to become the western gun-slinging hero he never was. Barn Dance Comedian: I tell you, folks, this telegraph machine, that thing is nuts. Holy sh*t. To build a home and a life in this harsh, unforgiving country required that a man be bold, fearless, and tough as iron. As Albert and Anna start to fall for each other in the process, Anna has to decide if and when she will tell him the truth: that she is already married, albeit unhappily, to Clinch Leatherwood, a vicious outlaw who, along with his gang, she and Lewis are waiting for in Old Stump. And if they dont work the first time, hell try and try again. A Million Ways to Die in the West, Seth MacFarlane's follow-up to Ted, has a solid cast and holds promise, but the trailers simply gave all the best jokes away. Edward: Hey, dude, you really shouldn't drink and horse. If You've Only Got a Moustache. 2 likes. It starts from a clever brain that ceased emotional development at age 12 and winds its way through to the orifice that emits the rudest noises and effluence. Albert: You know what else can kill you? Anna: Oh God, that was never gonna work out anyway. with updates on movies, TV shows, Rotten Tomatoes podcast and more. Basically, if it's not you, it wants to kill you, and just might succeed. Web. Seth MacFarlane, Seth MacFarlane's A Million Ways to Die in the West: A Novel. He shows impeccable taste in how his movie looks (his DOP Michael Barrett makes Monument Valley a locale to die for) and also how it sounds. Albert: Oh. There was a sheep in the whorehouse the last week. Do you know what kind of hours he has to work? He followed up Ted with 2014's A Million Ways to Die in the West, a spoof of westerns pointing out just how bleak and unromantic life in the Old West would've been. Here are your picks for the Best of the Capital Region 2023 Seth MacFarlane directs, produces, co-writes and plays the role of the cowardly sheep farmer Albert in A Million Ways to Die in the West. Albert Stark, a mild mannered sheep farmer living outside of Old Stump, Arizona, hates everything about living in this time and place, especially the literally million ways he and others can easily die every day without a care, from shoot-outs, to bar brawls, to bites by rattlesnakes hiding in outhouses, to affliction by any one of numerous untreatable plagues and pestilences. This is MacFarlanes first live-action lead role (he voiced the potty-mouthed bear in Ted) and for my money hes simply not great at being the leading man, coming off as more obnoxious than straight-up funny. Albert: You know, there are a million ways to die in the west, Clinch. Anna: Yeah, but those are quarter loads. I never see him. Seth MacFarlane writes, directs and stars in this Western about a sheep farmer who falls in love with an outlaw's wife. Newspapers Limited, 8 Spadina Avenue, 10th Floor, Toronto, ON M5V 0S8. Updated at 22nd July 2015 by rearranging the order of some entries: What is the Japanese language plot outline for A Million Ways to Die in the West (2014)? Albert, in turn, has to decide when he will become a real man in doing what he needs for what, or who, he truly wants in life. By Stephen Holden. Apple Inc. Seth MacFarlane, the rowdy "Family Guy" creator who wrote, directed, and stars in the new comedy "A Million Ways to Die in the West," stopped by TODAY Thursday to talk about the film. the Terms and Policies, and to receive email from Rotten Tomatoes. [leaves]. You know, like snakes. As a cowardly farmer begins to fall for the mysterious new woman in town, he must put his newly found courage to the test when her husband, a notorious gun-slinger, announces his arrival. Apple TV & Privacy A passive, shy sheep farmer tries to avoid conflict, a trait which has kept him alive but has now resulted in his girlfriend leaving him. Privacy Policy Albert: I know. Ditto the overdone sideshow of Sarah Silvermans energetic town prostitute bonding with Giovanni Ribisis bible-thumping virginal shoemaker. This was the American frontier in 1882, a hard land for hard folk. - Original Motion Picture Soundtrack. I read an article in the paper. A Million Ways to Die in the West: Official Clip - He Drank the Whole Bowl! Edward: Albert, he's dead. 1882. Albert: The guy is one of the best shots around. Set in 1882 in the American west, Albert is a lowly farmer with a nice girlfriend. This version also has even more footage in deleted scenes, and an alternate beginning and ending. STANDS4 LLC, 2023. 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